


Safe and sound

by fightuntilyoucan



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, PTSD, Warning: panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27100438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightuntilyoucan/pseuds/fightuntilyoucan
Summary: WARNING: PTSD, panic attacks, insomnia.Magnum have a hard time fighting with his demons, he wanted to hide it from Ohana, but there is one person who can help him.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins & Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV, Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Comments: 22
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, if you struggle with any meantal health problems, I want to let you know my DM on tumblr or comments here are always open. We are not only a fandom, but also family. In the family no one is left behind. 
> 
> Take care and stay strong <3

The scare. Paralyzed scare. That all he felt trying to control his body, his mind. Thomas was trying to get back to the room he was in before, but all he saw was blood, pain, and death which was surrounding him. He thought it was over, that he will be able to forget, to fade away the memories that were crashing his heart, but he couldn't. Suddenly the scream brought him back to the guest house, he shook his head and waited until his pulse will get back to normal. He didn't know when he will have another panic attack, he couldn't control it and that scared him more than the actual attack. Magnum thought about what he would be able to do then, to people around him, to his loved ones and the cold shiver ran through his spine. He would never forgive himself if he would hurt someone. At once the door opened letting Higgins and dogs in.

"I heard the scream," she said slowly, observing him.

"So it was his scream," he thought, trying to stop breathing heavily. 

"It was on TV," he said, looking at the dogs, "what are they doing here? I told you I don't want them here," he said harshly. 

"I'm sorry. I was worried and forgot to tell them to wait outside," Juliet said, trying to figure out what's wrong.

"No, I'm sorry," he answered, scratching his head, "I didn't sleep well tonight,”

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah...I just need a good sleep," he smiled at her. 

"Are you going to 'La Mariana' tonight?" 

"Of course, give me a moment. We could go together," 

"Perfect," she grinned, "will wait by the car," she added, leaving the guest house. 

*****  
Everyone was sitting at 'La Mariana' talking and drinking, enjoying the company. Juliet was glancing at Magnum from time to time, looking for any signs of him being tired or confused. She knew the symptoms, she knew it even too well. Lack of sleep, sweating, panic, and that empty look remind her of her problems. Higgins took a sip of her beer, knowing full well she can't ask him directly what's going on. First, he was too stubborn to ask for help, second, Magnum had a girlfriend. Abby must know what was going on, but Juliet didn't want to ask her, they weren't friends, she didn't even remember if they talked at all. 

At once Juliet stood up, leaving them and joining TC by the bar. She knew if something was going on in Magnum's life, he would be the first to know. She sat in front of him, waiting for TC to notice her before taking another gulp from her bottle. 

"What's up Higgy?" TC asked with a smile, the towel placed on his arm. 

"I have a question," she whispered, looking around, "about Magnum," 

"Yeah? What's with Tommy?"

"Is he...is he okay?"

"What do you mean?" TC said, starting to clean the glasses, "it's our Tommy. Nothing's wrong,"

"TC," Juliet started, "I'm his friend too…" she looked straight into his eyes. 

"I know," he said quickly, "there are times he is...not himself,"

"Panic attacks?" she tilted her head, "I heard him screaming today,"

"Yes, he is trying to control it and he mostly does it, but sometimes he just can't...we are there for him and that's all we can do. Thomas is stubborn…"

"Tell me about it," she lifted her eyebrows, taking a sip from her bottle. 

"Juliet…" TC whispered. 

"Yes?" 

"Have an eye on him, he won't tell anything and we are worry...he can hurt himself,"

"I will," she nodded, giving him a small smile. 

"You will what?" Thomas' voice caught their attention. 

"She will watch the star wars marathon with you," TC said, looking at Juliet. 

"Will you?" Thomas' eyes became bigger, the smile spread on his face. 

"Yes…tomorrow maybe?" she smiled, her sight went from TC to Magnum.

"Perfect! I have the whole collection! You will see tomorrow," he talked quickly, "we see each other tomorrow then. Have to go to Abby," 

Both of his friends were looking at him go to one of the tables. He placed the drinks in front of Abby, taking a place next to her when they both were talking with Rick. Juliet gave him one last glance before turning around to TC.

"How am I to survive the star wars marathon?" she whined, looking at him with a sad look. 

****  
Juliet knocked gently at the door to the guest house, she took the popcorn and sweets but hoping Magnum wouldn't want to watch the movie. At once the door opened with Magnum at the other side. 

"You came!" he smiled, "I thought you were joking,"

"I never joke if it takes to star trek,"

"Star Wars," he corrected her, letting her in.

"Sorry," she smiled, placing sweets and popcorn on the table, "what happened?" she asked, seeing his hand wrapped in the bandage. 

"Sit, I will bring beer," he said quickly leaving her in the living room.

Juliet looked around, it was a while since she visited him. Mostly because he was spending time with Abby, besides he wasn't in a very good mood lately. Suddenly she looked at the right, walking carefully to the mirror above the desk. She found sharp pieces, like the mirror would have been smashed with a huge force. 

"It broke when I forgot to close the door when it was windy," he said, handing her beer. 

"You have to be careful, there are still sharp pieces there," she pointed, 

"Don’t touch, you will cut yourself, I will take care of it later," he cuts her off, "sit please," he offered.

They were sitting on the carpet with the little table between them. Juliet was surprised how comfortable the floor was with all fluffy pillows and blankets prepared by Magnum. She was glancing at him once a while, his eyes were focused on the screen, cheeks red from excitement. After a while, she was about to offer him some snakes when she noticed his eyes being closed. His head was laid on the sofa behind them, lips slightly parted when the soft snoring came from his mouth. 

Juliet was just about to leave, placing the soft blanket around his body and turning off the TV when she heard him talking through his sleep. She didn't understand what he was saying before she heard him screaming. His hands were flying, his body was so tense she couldn't move his legs. Juliet walked towards him, she didn't want to touch him, she knew it wouldn't be the best way to help him, so she decided to try and wake him up without touching him. 

"Magnum," she started gently, "wake up," she added, looking at his face. 

Juliet kneeled near him, her hand lifted to touch him, to let him know she is here, and the place he was into doesn't exist but before she could do anything his hand wrapped around her throat. He didn't squeeze it but held her strong enough for her breath to hitch in her lungs.   
She knew he could break her neck with one swift move. He was trained to do it, so was she, but at that moment all she was thinking about was his safety.   
She saw so many former soldiers who couldn't control themselves during panic attacks. They were at home or with friends and at once they got back to the war zone.   
She lifted her hands and put them on his so he could feel her warmth, she gently pushed his hand towards her plus point, hoping that it would calm him down, feeling the life under his fingertips, and it did. Magnum eyes opened slowly, he was still confused and overwhelmed by all the emotions he experienced in the dream. After a few moments, he was fully awake, trying to get used to the light coming to the house.

“What happened?” he asked before he noticed his hand wrapped around Higgins's throat, “no, no, no,” he repeated, looking around. 

“Magnum,” she took his hand in hers, “you are safe now,” she assured him.

“I...I could…” his eyes became bigger, scared written on his face when he pulled his hand back.

“Hey,” she forced him to look at her, “nothing bad happened. You needed to feel someone’s warmth, that's usually helped with attacks,” she gave him a small smile.

Thomas pulled back like his presence could hurt her. He hid the face in his hands, trying to control his breath, but all he could think about was his hand wrapped around Juliet’s throat. If he would squeeze it, if the nightmare would not lose, he could choke her. At once he felt her hand on his neck, he wanted to push her away, but the truth was her warmth and soothing voice kept him going. 

“You know you can talk with me?” she asked, her hand brushed over his neck, losing all the muscles. 

“It’s not something I like to share,” 

“I know,” she nodded, “after Richard’s death, I had attacks every day. It was caused by so many things I couldn’t avoid...The familiar scent, a voice at the subway, memories...I didn’t sleep at night because I was afraid I will feel that pain again, but his mom told me something that helped,” she said slowly.

“What was that?” 

“That no matter how bad I feel now, it won’t last forever and that I have people around me who will help me,” 

“You never had attacks since you are here,” he looked up at her, “what helped?” 

“You,” she smiled, her hand roam over his neck, “you pissed me off so many times I lost count, but the truth is...you helped me in my darkest moments and I would like you to let me do the same,” 

“I thought I’m just annoying man child,” he smiled, causing her heart to skip the beat.

“That too,” she said seriously, the little smile followed. 

“I don’t know how you could do that though? I almost...I could hurt you Juliet, and that's the thing I would never forgive myself,”

“I wasn’t afraid,” she said sincerely.

“I was,” 

“When I had a panic attack the dogs lay on my chest, so I felt their presence and their warmth,” she said, “I want to help you. It can be awkward. I know, we are not a couple, but I want you to sleep at night, so you won’t hurt yourself more,” she looked at his hand covered with bandages. 

“How will we do it?” 

“We will sleep in the same bed for a while, I will make sure you won’t hurt yourself,” 

“Juliet,” he shook his head, “I don’t want it to repeat it,” he looked at his hands. 

“You won’t, but you have to trust me, just like I’m trusting you,” she smiled, pulling her hand back, “just think about it, it all will stay between us,” she added, leaving the guest house.


	2. Chapter 2

Thomas was standing in front of Juliet’s door for over ten minutes before he decided to knock. He was tired, he was tired as he had never been in his whole life. Magnum was afraid to sleep, afraid he will hurt someone, so he decided to tell Abby he had a case instead of putting her in danger. Even though he didn’t want to hurt Juliet, he wanted to sleep, at least a few hours, to get back to some kind of normality. 

“Hey,” Juliet’s voice brought him back from his thoughts, “what’s up?” she asked with a smile.

“I thought we could try…” he murmured, trying to avoid her gaze. 

“Come in,” she said when he passed her by.

Juliet was just about to call off the dogs when Zeus took a few steps towards Magnum, she thought the worse scenario and was ready to drag the animal from Thomas when at once Zeus licked Magnum’s hand. Juliet knew the dogs sensed the weakness in him, but they didn’t want to use it. 

“Is he sick?” Thomas asked, his eyes focused on the dog.

“He sens you are tired,” she tilted her head, “he just wanted to help,” 

“I thought you will use them to make me run so I will go to sleep right away,” he tried to joke.

“You are tired enough to do it,” she said, taking his hand in hers, leading him to her bedroom. 

Magnum would never have thought about being in Juliet’s bedroom, he took a step in looking around like it would be the most interesting museum he had ever been to. The mint color of the walls, little bottles with colorful sand, and the little shells made it look like a hotel room. Juliet let him explore some of her worlds before her voice made him look at her.

“Jump in,” she said, letting him climb on the bed.

Thomas was still afraid to go to sleep, but the softness of the mattress and pillow forced his eyes to close in less in a minute. Juliet climbed on the bed next to him, wrapped the fluffy blanket around his body before she joined him. She brought her phone and laptop, just to make herself occupied. She decided to let him sleep on the other side of the bed, she would be able to help him just in case the nightmares would hunt him.   
Juliet was busy with her phone while at once his hand immediately found a way to her waist, resting his head on her flat stomach. Juliet shifted at the weight of his temple, she knew they will share a bed but she didn't realize how intimate it will make her feel.   
She bites her lip when he hands lifted to after a second pulled back on the place. Juliet felt the urge to touch him, to tangle hair fingers in his soft hair, but the truth was she should not do this, they weren't together and she wanted to help him. She closes her eyes for a moment, just to open them after a short second. Juliet looked at the back of Magnum's head before she lifted her hand again, she didn't pull it back, her palm tangled in his hair, pressing it gently. 

*****  
Magnum slowly opened his eyes, he was confused at first, the room he was in wasn't his. The mind of the walls brought him back to the last night, or maybe it still was the same night? He felt the warmth on his cheek, thinking it was the first rays of sunshine on the island, but when his head lifted he was Higgins lying in the same bed, his head resting on her stomach. Magnum shifts, trying to gently roll on his side of the bed when he hears her sleepy voice. 

"Thomas?" she whispered, her eyes shot open at the surprising move.

"Good morning," he answered quickly.

"Are you okay?" she asked, lifting her body in the bed.

"Yeah, we slept the whole night," he smiled, "I didn't wake you? I mean I don't always remember if I had an attack or not," he scratched his head.

"No, you slept the whole night," she looked straight into his eyes. 

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You welcome," Juliet said, tucking the straight lock behind her ear, "we can try to do that twice a week and we will know if it helps in the long run," 

"I'd love to," he answered, rolling from the bed, "see you later," he said, leaving the room.

******  
Juliet couldn't stop thinking about it. She and Thomas were spending time together, not only because it makes him calmer but most of all because it makes her feel better. She loved to sleep with him in one bed, his hands wrapped around her waist, and the warmth of his body in the morning. Juliet knew nothing will happen between them, mostly because of Abby.   
This was the first night without Thomas and she was doing everything to not think about him and Abby. She was doing everything to shake that feeling of a tight grip around her heart but the truth was she missed him. She put the dinner in the microwave, patting Zeus' head, waiting for the meal to be ready. She was trying to think about something else, about the gardener who can't make it this week, the call she had to make but her thoughts were flowing to Thomas, every time she wanted him to vanish from her brain.  
She knew they were together in his house and there was nothing she could do about it, she ate dinner, and just after that went to sleep, hoping this will help her forget. 

Juliet's eyes shot open, she didn't know where she was at first but after a quick moment, she swiftly got out of the bed. Juliet opened the door, finding Abby at her porch, she was wearing Magnum's shirt, her eyes glassy when Juliet's voice filled the space.

"Abby?" she asked confused, "what…"

"It's Thomas, he...he…" she cries, "we were at the bed and now he is screaming," 

Juliet didn't need to hear anything more, she ran towards the guesthouse not paying attention to Abby or the dogs following her. She wanted to be with Magnum, to help him get through this. She opened the door, but didn't want him to be afraid of loud noise; she didn't close them behind her. 

"Thomas," she whispered, his eyes shot open, screams coming from his mouth. 

Juliet stood in front of him, she could feel Abby's presence behind her but she didn't care, all she wanted to do was bring Magnum back. She took a step towards him, her hand close to his chest when she heard Abby's voice behind her.

"Don't touch him, he may be dangerous, he is not himself," she whispered, causing Juliet to roll her eyes. 

"I won't let him hurt himself. If you don't want to be here, leave," she turned around to give her one last glance before turning to Thomas.

Abby was standing behind Juliet, she was scared and worried about Thomas, but she wasn't used to seeing him like that.   
Juliet was closer to him, her hand lifted towards him when at once she pulled by his palm. She put a hand on her throat, letting him feel her pulse under his fingertips.   
Abby couldn't believe her eyes, the man she was scared of, the man she thought she knew was now in some kind of trans and Juliet was able to do such things. Abby couldn't look at them any longer. She took her things and left before Juliet brought him back. 

"Juliet," he whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming, "what happened?"

"You had an attack, everything is good now," she smiled, his hand still resting on the back of her neck. 

"You shouldn’t...I could hurt you," he said, sight locked with hers, "Abby?" he suddenly remembered himself about her.

"She was here…" Higgins turned around, "but...she's gone,"

"It’s better that way, I scared her,” his sight fell on the floor. 

"If she loves you, she will come back," Juliet said, looking into his eyes, "can you stand up?" she asked, reaching for his hand. 

"Yeah, but I'm exhausted. I don't know how to prevent it, how to stop having those attacks," he said, walking behind Juliet, his hand still resting in hers, "you are the only one I'm sleeping normally," he whispered. 

"That's why we are making you rest," she started, "tomorrow we will book a visit if you don't want to talk with us…"

"I won't go…"

"Yes you are," she looked at him, "I don't want to find you dead on the floor because I didn't make it to help you. I barely survived Richard's dead Thomas," her lips twitched, eyes filled with tears. 

"Hey," he pulled her into a hug, his hand caressing her back, "I'll go, just don't cry," he kissed her forehead. 

"I don't want to lose you," she whispered, her face pressed to his chest.

"You won't, I promise to go get help," he said, lifting her chin, "can you…" he took a deep breath, "can you stay for tonight?" 

"I thought you would never ask," she bites her lip, "Thomas?" she said quietly. 

"Yes?" his sight immediately found hers.

"I like sleeping with you in the same bed," she said, blushing. 

"I like sleeping with you too," he answered, "even if you're stealing blankets from me," he teased. 

"I am not!" she said, playfully smacked his arm. 

They lay in the bed for a few minutes, Magnum's head rested on Higgins's stomach, his hands wrapped around her like she would be his pillow. She smiled at the feel of his weight on her, her hand found a way to his hair, playing with them until his light snoring filled the bedroom. Juliet doesn't know how long he will sleep, but she knows no matter what will happen they have each other.


End file.
